Good for the soul but hard on the reputation
Confession...Concerning my previous post about resting in His unconditional acceptance & love.
Monday night I was priviledged to attend the Wilson county police department's traffic school. The attending officer involved the class in discussion over many different aspects of driving about which he would quiz us prisoners (er attendees). He called on me three times...THREE TIMES!! My pride got the best of me on each occasion. I was sure he framed the questions to trick us into the embarrasment of answering incorrectly (part of our punishment, I thought). The questions were all straight forward but my reading too much into them tripped me up and I didn't answer the first one correctly. On the way home I reviewed over and over just how big a fool I was in the eyes of all the other attendees. Through various mental gymnastics I began to plan how to "make myself 'feel' better" through doing well in an area that others would applaud rather than snicker.
On my bike ride into work this morning, the Spirit was reminding me that He loved and accepted me as the fool, the prideful and the schemer of last night. I even found myself saying outloud into the wind "Jesus loves me in my foolish acts and my prideful scheming". As I embraced that truth my searching and scheming to fill my sense of embarrasment was replaced by a confidence in a worth that wasn't dependent on me, my thoughts or actions but on a loving, kind & merciful God who desires beyond all that I rest in Him.
yes...confession is good for the soul...ta hell with my reputation.
posted by Rick @ 12:29 PM
3 Comments:
I confess, I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll. No really I have abstained from Junk that was getting in the way of my relationship with the Big Guy. Blessings have poured out on some things and the push to do something else is getting stronger in others. Knowing that I'm not gonna mess up God's perfect will is comforting but I don't want to throw rocks at His individual will for my life. I need road signs as obvious as the ones on Bruce Almighty. Offer some advice to me that I can't get on a forttune cookie.<:^)
I am so thankful God loves me where I am on the process. Sometimes I feel like I am only barely figuring things out if that much. I'm starting to rest in the fact that God's love for me doesn't increase as I "get it" (whatever "it" is), but that he loves and accepts me fully in the place where I now am (as idiotic as that seems to me to be at times).
Good stuff, Rick...very good.
Hope traffic school went well! :)
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